I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
