Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
