I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he was CRYING into my vagina
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
