It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
