There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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