Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
