I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Vodka?
Forever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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