she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
