My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
