I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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