I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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