I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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