remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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