i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
