He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
