Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize