currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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