Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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