You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
