May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
