so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I got inside last night via doggy door
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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