Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize