I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
