I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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