so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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