We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
