she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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