dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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