I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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