and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
