Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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