I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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