You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
