If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
