I love black thongs
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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