I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You ruined the universe
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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