Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize