Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
