I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
