Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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