she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
