So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
