I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
