I am in a vortex of obligation.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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