yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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