someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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