i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I want to fling myself into the sun
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
