You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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