can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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