Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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