His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
