he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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