11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
