From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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