is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
