some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
