I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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