I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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