im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
