i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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