You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
