maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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