Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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