You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
