Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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