you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
