so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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