he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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