let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
