She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
